Kind of different, and kind of nice....just different

For my side of the family, I have two siblings and my mother that live in close proximity.  I also have siblings that live down South, whom we rarely see.  

This year, my sisters and I opted out of the whole getting together for Christmas dinner thing.  My mother was not happy about it, but she finally accepted it.  She is not a person that adapts well to change.  Mom is very set in her ways over some things.  For instance, I remember years back we took the wrong turn and missed our exit.  She about came undone because she could not comprehend that there might be another way to get to our destination.  This has happened more than once, and normally to calm her fears we cave and will go out our way just so we can go her way, lol.   So that kind of sets the stage of what a big deal this was for our family.  Despite Mom's protests, I received feed back from my sisters that they had a good time.  Mom went with my eldest sister for part of the day, and my daughters ended up going to her home afterward for a short visit.  While it was different, I think it ended up being kind of nice.  The highlight was that my grandson did love the small ukulele (his first stringed instrument)  and would not let it go, lol.  She finally had to hide it or it would have went to bed with him.  I'm glad he liked it.  Oh, he's not quite two yet.

Today, the sky is overcast and grey.  I was hoping for some sunshine.  Today is also my husband's birthday.  I know its hard on him, not just because it lands after Christmas but also because he misses his children and grandboys that live in the midwest.  I am hoping he will have a blessed day.  Quiet is okay, too.  Kind of nice, but different.

Does Blogger Need to Go Away?v

I remember when I was first introduced to Blogger and the interaction between writers and readers was great.  It seems like anymore that the followers have become ghosts and no one really wants to take the time to "read" what someone else has to say.

Think back that the world of "texting" broke loose and has replaced real conversations between people.  I saw the pattern forming when bloggers started to migrate over to other social media forums like "MySpace" or "Facebook," etc.

I don't even know who is following my blog these days (if anyone) because I rarely receive feedback on my posts, even when I posted them to my facebook account.  I had previously created a blog for the sole purpose of posting a personal bible devotional.  I received very few comments on FB, too.

So, why am I still writing?

Right now, I feel a bit lost in my writing adventures.  I have a lot inside but have withdrawn for my own reasons.  I've experienced loss over the past years and I presented strength in those times for family members but I think the realization has caught up with me.  We all have to take a turn in coping with loss and not everyone reacts the same.  I put down my writing pen during that time and had my focus in other places, but I would like to get onto healing and writing again.

Soon.

Writing Challenge -- Day #10 FINAL DAY

Leslie has decided to limit her writing challenge to ten days, so this will be the last post on this challenge.  I am hoping to continue writing since I have gotten kick started again, and want to thank her for allowing me to participate.  Her posts can be found at:  http://lesliepjackson.blogspot.com/

Writing Challenge: What are your goals for 2017?

I have not committed to "New Year Goals" in a long time, but maybe its past time that I get with it.

My goals for 2017 in no order of importance....

- Pay off all bills with exception of the top three

- Improve health (weight, spiritual, mental, etc.)

- Come up with a plan to work from home

- Write a snail mail letter or send card to someone once-a-month

- Commit to a bible study program

- Move to a one-level home and closer to work

- Participate or host the "Family Once-A-Month" game night

- Strengthen relationships (God, Marriage, Family, Friends)

Lots of goals....always work towards something.

Writing Challenge -- Day #9

Today's Challenge: "What's on your Christmas wish list?"

Well we typically never seem to have enough money to exchange gifts, lol.  BUT if we did have money to burn, my 2017 wish items might be...

#1 - Our own home.  We rent right now, since becoming a casualty of the housing crisis back in 2008.  I would like a home to be on one level (including laundry area).  I would not mind having the guest bedrooms on a separate floor, but with recent knee issues have found the one level living is best for me.

#2 - Classic NINTENDO.  I have never gotten into the "new" games.  I think I stopped playing with the first mario, lol.  Just got busy with life and other things, but I used to enjoy some of the old games and it would be fun to play them again.  

#3 - A personal trainer and chef for a year.  I want to get in shape and healthy!

I think I will stop right there....lol.

Writing Challenge -- Day #8

Today's Challenge: "Make a list of 10 things for which you are thankful."

Love this challenge,

#1 - Thankful for my Mom.  Mom is one of my best friends.  We have always had a wonderful relationship, not that we always see eye-to-eye.  She laid a firm foundation of beliefs and faith.  She has shown strength and perseverance over the years and I have always admired her.  She is "Mom" to many and always loved.  She is beautiful inside and out, and I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

#2 - Thankful for my Children.  

#3 - Thankful for my Grandchildren.  

#4 - Thankful for my Church.  

#5 - Thankful for our men and women that wear the uniform.  Not just our military, but also police, fire and rescue!  My daughters, niece and son-in-law are in the medical field.

#6 - Thankful for living in USA.  

#7 - Thankful for my job. 

#8 - Thankful for my siblings. 

#9 - Thankful for my in-laws - brothers and sisters, and also the opportunity to have had a wonderful MIL.  She was a wonderful lady and is missed everyday.

#10 -  Thankful for New Opportunities.  Each day is a blessing....
  

Writing Challenge -- Day #7

Today's Challenge: "Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?"

Definitely behind it.  I am an identical twin, so there were quite a few "baby" pictures back in the day and in practically everyone I was either crying or had a fussy face.  My poor sister always looked like she had a headache, lol.  I can imagine her saying "Oh great, she's crying again!"  

This has carried with me through life and I have never particularly liked being front and center.  I'm more of a laid back, back pew kinda person, lol.

Writing Challenge -- Day #6

Today's Challenge--"Do you have any strange phobias?"

Hmmm, most people probably do not think about this so much because it is their "normal."  

At first, I was going to write that I do not have any, but then decided to do a bit of research on this question.  I found the following website that actually provides a list of them, lol.  At this particular site, they've listed 100!  Wow, I did not realize there were so many!

http://www.nursingdegreeguide.org/2010/100-weird-phobias-that-really-exist/

I do not feel it is particularly a strange phobia, but I do fear heights.  It has worsened with age, and am not sure if it has something to do more with vision than anything else.  I experienced it when we when up the tower in Canada.  I had to stand behind my husband and close my eyes going up the elevator to the top and then had to walk very slowly backwards and not look out so he could take a photo of me.  I started to actually feel panic.  

Writing Challenge -- Day #5

So, I have been out of town and then coming back home have not quite gotten caught up.  I did not realize how far behind I have been on the "writing challenge" but I'm not going to give up and will get caught up! :-)

Today's Challenge: "What does your last text message from someone else say?"

Today, I took a day of leave because I have not been feeling my best since my return trip home from the holidays.  I was actually falling asleep at the wheel on the drive home last evening and it ...well scared me.  Feeling dizzy and I have a sinus issue along side of no energy and feel sick.  So, earlier this AM, I sent a note into the office and received the following response:  "Rest up...feel better."

I hope today will do the trick....

Day 4: Writing Challenge

Today's Challenge: "What do you think about most?"

Like Leslie, it depends.

I tend to be compartmental with focused thinking.  

For instance, the one feature of my relationship with my husband that I enjoy is that we tend to call each other on our way home from work.  We both have about a one hour commute one-way on a good day.  During that time, we take turns venting and sharing about our work day challenges or general stuff.  When we get home though, we turn that off and its onto something else.

When I am at church, I try to stay focused on the sermon and God.  Writing this makes me realize that I should be more focused on Him more than I do on the day-to-day.  I do at times but normally  its usually when there is a need.  However, I want to get back to a place where its all the time...during my good and bad moments.  I want to be infused by His presence, love and wisdom and the only way to get to that place is to strengthen my relationship with Him.

Family, I think about a lot.  Mostly my husband, mom, kids and the grands.  I love Marco Polo and have it set up for Family only.  When things at work are that hectic, I will pull out my phone and run a video of one of my grand boys and it always brings smiles to my heart and calms the moment.  It has also allowed me to get reacquainted with my sisters and other family members.

Writing Challenge: Day 3

Today's Challenge--"Pick up the book that is lying closest to you. Open it to page 23. Write down line #17." 

LOL, the closest book to me is "The Mayo Clinic Diabetes Diet" Book.

Page 23, Line 17 says the following:  "future comparison."

Hmmmmmm!

Writing Challenge: Day 2

Today's Challenge: If you could meet anyone on this earth who would it be?

This is a challenge, because there are so many interesting people that I would love to meet.  However, if I have to limit it to just one, I think I would like to meet the person that started "Wounded Warriors" and thank that person.

Our Division at work were honored to volunteer and support this great effort this past week, and I would love to hear the story from the person that created it of how this all came about.  It brought home that people need people, and even what one might construe as the smallest of encouragement can make a difference in a huge way to another.  So, for this moment - that's who I would love to meet, if I could.

Writing Challenge: Day 1

So, I was visiting Leslie's blog and she has started a writing challenge and challenged others to join in with her, so I decided to give it try.  I've been wanting to get back into writing, so I will the first few a catch up and also a warm up to get me back into the groove again.  It has been awhile since I have written consistently.  If you would like to try it, check out Leslie's blog at http://lesliepjackson.blogspot.com/2016/11/writing-challenge-day-1.html

Writing Challenge--Day #1

Today's challenge: "Put your iTunes on shuffle. Write down the first 6 songs that pop up."

I have my iPod at home and my docking station at work, so I have been using another program called Spotify via my cellphone at work.  My typical AM selection is called Peaceful Piano, 

1 - Elegy for the Artic
2 - Because This Must Be
3 - Remove the Complexities
4 - The Departure 
5 - Departure (Home)

It is very peaceful music, and keeps me calm.

There is a saying...

My mind wandered back to finances yet again...I could see my checkbook and the numbers were not putting us in as comfortable position as I would like it with a planned trip back home for Thanksgiving.  Worry.

It all started with having to attend weekly physical therapy appointments, and having to fork out a co-pay for each visit.  It was adding up.  Then I received my updates for this year's health insurance and if I reviewed it correctly - my copays were going to be even higher.  Worry.

Later that day, I was listening to some coworkers chatter and one said that a hiring freeze has been put into place.  I did not quite believe her until this morning and I saw the number of jobs had decreased significantly at the job hunting site.  I have a couple friends and family trying to obtain work.  Worry.

What is going on, Lord?

Quietly this morning, I thought of these things and then I went looking...looking for God's promises and read,

"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows you need these things. ~ Luke 12:30" 

So, if our Father already "knows" what we need (not want, but need) then I need not worry.  He's got this!  He gets me!  He knows what I need!

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. ~ Psalm 121:1-2"

So, as I read this my imagination got the best of me....I imagined a huge mountain (all these things) that was in my way...it was scary, there were noises that frightened me and I did not want to face the mountain of problems but then I saw Him...my hero, my warrior, my defender....The Lord!  He has already battled, He has already won, He has already defeated, He has already overcome....any obstacle, issue or worry that I may face....He is my help!  He made heaven and earth! They belong to Him! He reigns in the midst of everything and has won!  Worry you have no place in our lives! God is receiving the glory because He knows what we need! He is my help and my salvation! And He loves me!  He loves you!

So, God I give you all my worries for today.  I pray that you will lead and direct me in my paths.  Help me to be a wise leader, to be proactive and not reactive, to not fear or worry when the mountain looms because I know in my heart that You Got This!  Thank you God!

Pray like you have never prayed before....and remember His promises.  Do not be afraid or worry! God loves you.

A Desk Bicycle

So, I have been battling a knee issue for awhile.  I had surgery on it, but managed to re-tear my meniscus muscle again.  In the meantime, I have been over compensating on my other side and leg to the point my shoulder and leg are weak and sore, too.  I visit physical therapy at least once a week and then will go back and get re-evaluated by the Orthopedic surgeon to determine if I have to undergo another surgery again.  The physical therapist told me that the physical therapy will not repair the tear, just make my leg stronger. Ummm, if I am going to need therapy after surgery anyways why can't I just get it repaired and then go forward?  Insurance.  Good ole's crappy insurance.  Have to check those boxes!

I've been offered two types of exercises in the meantime I can do on my own, one of them is swimming and the other is a stationary bike.  A lady at work brought in a contraption that fits under her desk and is of bicycle variety.  I got a bit excited over it and asked if that would be a solution for me?  My PT said yes, I could do it.  So, I'm starting to look into those gizmos and some of them are not cheap.  Right now though, money is very tight so it will need to wait.  Especially, since I have to pay $40 each week for therapy.

Got to remind myself...time and patience and more of the same.

I've Been Asleep...

I hardly remember the last time I posted, and was amazed to see that four months have gone by and nothing much has changed.  This summer was suffocating in so many respects.  The heat, work, family issues.  There were moments where I felt like I could literally not breathe.  I joined a weight loss group but I am still swaggering between the same five pounds lost and gained.  I got a new haircut which helped slim my face down but the numbers do not lie.  All these grand ideas and nothing to show for it.  I'm pretty bummed with myself right now, lol.

The husband signed us up to live in the bird cage ... err ... rental for another year, and he did it without consulting me.  This did not go over too well, but I can hardly blame him because he has to move most of our stuff.  He really wants to do it one more time when we move to our retirement home...where ever that might land us.  So, why do I call it the "bird cage?"  This house is nestled in the back end of an established development.  It is very quiet and peaceful.  You turn onto our street and come to our driveway and it is a very steep ascent upwards to a flat parcel of land surrounded by dense forest.  Three sides to this home is cleared property up to the forest line.  However, the back part of the house is hugged by forest and leads to a very rugged descent downward to a creek.  The ground is very soft in a lot of areas.  I have this fear that one day I am going to step down just right and disappear into a sink hole.  I can't enjoy the back deck because of all the bugs (mostly spider variety) that love it, too.  So, I feel like I am in somewhat of a birdcage because of how it is laid out and surrounded.  I have accepted the fact that I now prefer cleared properties, and if there is woods -- they will be about .5 miles away from the home, lol.  When I was a girl, I use to daydream about having the perfect home in a wooded area with one road coming in and one road going out...ummm, not no more.  I don't mind trees or even hiking, but for whatever reason (maybe the creek?) the bugs seem to gravitate to this place.  Ugh!  It is actually quite restful and beautiful up here, but I could do without the creepies.

This summer we went to Canada.  We got to complete our high three tourist picks: 1) Lady in the Mist boat ride; 2) hike behind the Falls; 3) dinner in the Pencil restaurant.  We landed each event just right and snagged the best seats or standing point for photos.  People can be very rude and pushy over taking photos, too.  It wasn't our fault we were blessed to get the best spots.  We did not push our way to it either, we just happened on it.  Then everyone wants to be your best friend and get all in your personal space.  I had to tell one young lady to back off after she rammed me about three times.  I'm tolerant but I'm not a doormat.

This morning was inviting outside, but from the news it will not last.  We are up for some warmer temps again as the week progresses. I love the fall and spring, winter and summer not so much.  At any rate, hopefully by the time I write again some things have turned around in a positive direction.  Right now, my heart just is not in it and that's okay.  We all have those seasons, just having mine and I will take the lessons learned from it and move onward.  

A Box

We lulled a bit of our morning away watching "Tiny Houses."  I'm a bit intrigued by the designs and thought put into these small structures.  For myself, it might be a fun adventure at the beginning, but I think the need for space would get to me.

It got me to thinking how I've been feeling for awhile now....boxed up or trapped both at both a professional and personal level.  In both areas, I feel a positive change is needed.  Of those two, there are three key areas that I feel I need to change in my life.  My problem is that I don't know quite how to do it.  Before I know it, another week has slipped past me and I'm right where I was ...well for awhile now.

So, tomorrow is Day 1.  Tomorrow, I will focus on my health.  I'm going to pack a gym bag and take it with me to work.  It will hold exercise clothes in it and gym shoes.  I'm going to place a goal for myself for this coming week.  Leave and go to the gym one day this week.  The gym is free to workers, so no excuses.  I'm only going to say one day for now and see if I can make that happen.  Despite all the deadlines, and the pressure to stay late ... I need to make this happen.  I need to start towards positive health.

The other two are a bit more complicated and this is not the place to discuss the issues at hand, but I remain hopeful and am going to start committing it to prayer.  More on the knees (figuratively) praying on it, and less in the head thinking about it.  Give it God each day, out loud and often.  I know He knows, and is the keeper of my heart, and I earnestly pray, pray that God will heal and restore.

That's it for now...