Frustrationnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievious words stir up anger. ~ Proverbs 15:1"

Over the last few days, I have been challenged by a couple people.  One of them in particular's actions and perhaps inaction on an assignment frustrated me to a point yesterday where I actually even shut my office door to put some space between us.  I felt my blood pressure rising and I knew I was about to lose my cool with her.  Some may not agree with my handling of it, but in my experience I have found that putting space between people is not always a bad response to frustration. Just a longer ole count to ten practice put into play in order to avoid saying things which will hold regret for later.

I talked it out with the boss before I departed, and later with the husband.  I slept very well and all that frustration has melted away.  I knew yesterday I was getting to such a point of frustration where I would raise my voice and really let her have it, but God's word holds truth that "a soft answer turneth away wrath..."  The point of discussing the past few days with her is not to make her angry, but to help turn her performance around towards a positive.  Oh, I could and some would say be well within my right, but would it really make her any more productive?

Today, I am praying for wisdom in the handling of this situation and I am thankful for God's word and grace to show me how to go about it.

One More Night with the Frogs....

In reading the scripture today, I Corinthians 12:31 says, "But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way."

As a young girl, I remember attending church services with my mom.  During that time, the church would invite people in ministry to come to our church and share the gospel and sometimes they would also sing.  One such visit included a gentleman that would share bible stories in song.  He played the guitar beautifully, and I always looked forward to hearing him sing.  One song in particular made all of us giggle.  The song took us back to the time of Moses, when Moses was beseeching Pharaoh to release the Israelites from slavery.  Pharoah was not willing to listen, and as a result God sent plagues to the lands.  One of the plagues included a pestilence of frogs.  Pharaoh in his infinite "non-wisdom" decided to wait it out overnight and have Moses come back for an answer the next day.  Really?  You want to live one more day with a bunch of frogs?  Ewww!  How crazy is that???

God was trying to tell Pharaoh there was a better way, a more excellent way but he chose to not listen.  It eventually cost Pharaoh his life.

For myself, there have been times where I made a poor decision.  It made the road going forward very difficult, and sometimes carried with it great regret and pain.  Had I stayed on course and been obedient to God's word, I could have been spared the consequences of my actions.  God tried to direct me towards a more excellent way, but I had deafened my heart and ears to what His word says.  I tried to manage things on my own, to take short cuts....to negotiate.....to do it my way....and I failed, but had I listened....

God is not trying to take all the fun out of our lives, but we need to remember that He sees and knows what we do not.  He sees the big picture.  He is trying to direct us towards a more "excellent way" that will overshadow any "moment" we envision would be better suited for us.  If we would seek God's will in our lives, today's verse tells me He will guide us into a more excellent way!  So, I am going to forget the frogs in my life...I don't want them, not for one day.  I am going to follow God and His plan for me.  I may not experience it immediately, but I am going to have faith because God's word speaks the truth.  Therefore, I pray that God's word will live in me and show me the more excellent way!

The Word for Today....Abase

To be honest, I did not know what the word "Abase" meant.  My imagination got the best of me, as I pondered what this word could mean.  I began to imagine someone with a lot of errr Southern charm and drawl trying to explain it to me..... "Hey there!  Abase?  Well you know that's an easy one!  Listen to me....it is like his youngin hit that ball and he ran around A Base."  Well maybe it is early but it did make me smile just thinking about it.

The reason I came across this word is not by accident or some event that occurred in my life.  I left my study bible at work and wanted to read the bible, but where to start?  It is a big book with a wealth of information between its covers.  So, I chose to go to the concordance and chose the first word, which happened to be "Abase."  The following scriptures were provided:

"He who exalts himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. Matthew 23:12"

"I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound; every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:12"

I have had my own share of ups and downs in my life time.  I have a very challenging career.  I enjoy my work because I find that I never have the same day twice.  There is always a new goal, a problem to conquer, challenges to face and oh yes, a whole lot of success wrapped up in it, too.  I am a paper pusher, but the papers each day hold something new.  I have had some great moments in my career, and failure, too.  Those times of failure remind me to never get too big for my britches, because the things that allowed me positive recognition by my peers and upper management can be taken away in a nanosecond.  It was never intentional to fail, but things happen or a poor decision made and it all came crumbling down.  It is humbling.  It hurts. However, I am adult enough to understand that business is business and it is not personal when I am taken to task for something that did not get completed or did not go to plan.  I may not have always agreed with the way it was presented or the fact I seemed to be standing there all by myself when others were involved in it too, but there's a challenge in itself.  Do not look around you, take responsibility for your actions and just try to improve and correct what is needed.  My father shared with me one day, "Never forget where you started."  I did not understand his words right away, but later it became clear to me.  In reading the scripture today, I don't think God wants to see us brought down.  It is never easy when placed in such a situation.  It also makes me appreciate those times when my team is recognized for our success stories.  There are varying reasons why we find ourselves being "abased" in life.  How do we react to it?  Do we try to blame those around us? Do we hold ourselves accountable?  How can we make sure we do not repeat the mistakes made?  Be thankful and realize we are so blessed, and to not allow lofty pride to be our foundation, but rather grace and humility.

A desk, a chair, a window and a bunch of dreams......

I walked into the room we now use for our "office," and looked at the small desk and out the window. Outside of our window is a modest and flat yard framed by forest.  You can barely see the homes that are closest to us, and it gives us privacy and peacefulness for the most part.  When we moved to this new home, we decided to get rid of our larger pieces of furniture and that included a large wrap around executive desk.  I found a much smaller standard wooden desk and it fits my needs. I sat quietly for a few minutes and began to day dream.  This new desk reminded me of when I was about 13 or 14 years of age.  When my dad retired from the military, he rented a farm house in the country. He gave us an old and roomy desk so we had something to use for our home work.  We had positioned the desk right in front of the window overlooking a large crop field which eventually met up with the tree line of a dense forest.   I used to have so many dreams as a young girl.  To share a few, a crush on a boy from our church, and entertained a couple of others from school.  Nothing ever came of those hidden romances because I was too shy to let them know that I was interested.  I dreamed of one day traveling and taking pictures of the world, and having them posted to some important magazine.  Write stories and books, teach, be a marine biologist, a wife and mother, get up on stage and sing...a bunch of different dreams.  I wanted a home and had my wedding all planned out in my head.  I could see my 'dream' home and all my plans made.  I wrote about them, thought about them, and drew pictures of them, too.  So many dreams that began with me sitting at a desk and staring off at a crop field, while the farmers plowed and harvested.  Hoping some of those dreams would come true for me some day.

Of course my dreams changed as I grew older, and hopefully wiser.  The young man I had such a huge crush on during that time, eventually broke my heart when he took up with my best friend.  I got over it, especially after he made a pass at my sister.  Yes, he was not for me.  My career did not exactly turn out as planned either, but I do write...a lot, lol.  I had one poem shared in a church bulletin, but I found all the attention a bit overwhelming.  I could not imagine being a famous book author and being under a microscope of the public eye.  Pictures, not so much and none of them have been published.  Although, I have been asked a time or two about whether I'd be interested in some of my scene photos being published.

Sitting at this desk today made me feel a bit peaceful, but also a bit sad with the realization I am beginning to move into a new season in life.  I have been blessed to love, to have a family, to have a nice home, a challenging and rewarding career....but someday I would love to get more involved with my creative side.  After retirement, become an expert with my complicated camera.  Learn how to quilt.  Write that book and even if I have to pay for it to be published, do it.  My bucket list of dreams, which may not all get fulfilled but do my best to make them happen.  Today though...I think I will just push away from the desk and day dream a bit.

Never Stop....

I finished listening to the story of how a man for years has been stopping to assist stranded motorist with their vehicle problems along the highway.  He's become an icon to the San Diego community. When he lost his transportation, the community rallied together and was able to have it repaired so he could keep doing what he had started years before that time.  Over 50 years of service!  During the interview of this gracious man, one thing that was said stuck with me and that was the fact you hear about people doing things for others every now and again but not for 50 years.  He is dedication in motion.

It made me think of a verse that has been in my heart since child hood, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ. ~ Philippians 4:13"  How often have I started with good intentions and then given up when things became too hard, or I became too busy with other things?  I feel God calling me to His service, to do His will and yet I have allowed life's distractions to take me another way.  I am so humbled by this man's story of service.  God never said life with Him would be a piece of cake.  We're going to run into problems...like a young man that I work with has quoted on more than one occasion...."the struggle is real..."  The good news is that I do not have to go it alone.  I have God in my heart to help me with each one, and He's there to offer wisdom to me when I am struggling with direction or the words to say.  I don't always get it right.  I mess up. However, I know God is there with me and loving me the entire way.  I hope....I truly hope that I am able to continue to serve Him and to "...press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ...."

My Mouth....The Rudder

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

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I grew up as a "Navy" brat, and one would think I might know something about boats....errr, I mean ships.  Unfortunately, no.  I also do not have the greatest of sea legs, which has been a dilemma for the husband who would love to go on a cruise with me.  Recently, I remember watching a commercial of a ship at sea....the waves crashed and caused the massive ship to be tossed and pitched like it was a toy boat, as it continued on its path.  Each wave seemed to elevate the vessel to such great heights, only to crash down to a point where one would think it might truly be engulfed by the sea's waves and experience destruction.  Each vessel has a rudder that offers surface control as it makes it way through the waters.  However, without power from within ... the outside forces may overcome best intentions and the vessel will sink.  

It has been very stressful at work.  It is easy to get caught up in running our mouths and being critical of one another.  Replacing blame or having no patience, and gossiping about one another.  A colleague was sharing sage advice about one of our employees that it is not always the content of the message this person is sharing, but how it is presented.  If it is presented in the wrong way, the other person will stop listening.   Hurt feelings or anger will get in the way and it will not result in a productive moment.   Coming off too harsh, or critical.   There is being direct, but then there is using your tongue like a sword that pierces the heart of the receiver, and leaves a wound.  Too many of those moments, and the relationship will never have a chance to thrive.  It may also leave the receiver imprisoned by the hurtful words, they are unable to rise above and be productive.  I felt that not so long ago.....and at the time, the words seemed harsh and unfair.  I walked away feeling defeated and wanted to quit.  I got angry.  I got sad.  Then I took a step back and I prayed and I am still praying to try and work through what happened.  In truth, it was a teaching moment though on what I never want to do to someone else, but had I ever been like this person though?  Had I lost my balance, like the ship that despite having a rudder having no control after a certain point?  

In order to have a positive effect with others, I need to make sure the power I have within is tempered with grace, and that I am prayed and read up with God's word.  To control the tongue, so that instead of destroying...it will result in being a collaborative and productive moment.  I have said this to  my own children that we need to be about the business of lifting one another up, and less about tearing each other down.  To exert patience, so that your rudder (mouth) leads you in a safe direction, and not to destruction.

Today, I am praying that I will be an effective leader and will bring balance and patience in my communications with others.  I want my Team to soar, not to fall.  I think a lot of each one of them and know they have what it takes to do great things.  Now to put that into action and it starts with my rudder and the power behind it.  I pray that God will be that power and they will see more of Him and less of me.

Missed Opportunities

Isaiah 25:1
O LORD, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; For You have worked wonders. Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness.

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As I sat listening to a friend share her experiences with dating two very different men, a thought came to me that should she engage in a serious relationship with either of them....well one of them appeared to be "turn key" and the other needed work.

I grabbed that term from a host of home improvement shows I had drowned myself in over the previous weekend.  Our conversation reminded me of when my husband and I first stepped into our new "turn key" home.  It was a new construction.  It was beautiful! It was clean! No one had lived there before, as we settled our belongings into this new space.  It was perfect! Screech..........ummm, or was it? 

The very first night, my daughter was cleaning her bathroom and used the cleaning wipes to scrub everything down and then promptly flushed it down the toilet...well almost.  A horrible smell developed that filtered all the way upstairs to our Master bedroom.  A plumber was called in on emergency, and he was able to extricate the offensive paper that had clogged the system.  We all learned what not to do when dealing with a septic pump system.  

The next event was on a much smaller scale, but nonetheless, terrified me.  We had just fallen asleep for the night, when I hear this crackling sound.  After a couple of "did you hear that" whispers to the husband, and him responding that he heard nothing...I hear it again.  This time, I sat straight up in bed, turned on the light and subsequently let out an ear peeling scream that jarred the husband out of his sleep and into battle mode.  I demanded he chase this little rodent beast and watched in horror as the little offender made haste to scurry out of our bedroom and into the main living space.  The husband attempted to chase it down, but lost it somewhere else in the house.  I would not rest that night until he had barricaded us in safely with towels at each doorway.  I made a frantic call to our builder, and he reminded me that we lived in the country.  He also reminded me that when they were constructing the home, it meant doors were pretty much open at some point and that it is typical for country mice to move in before the new owners.  Ugh.  The nerve!

Actually, both situations are something I can laugh about now, but at the time I was shaken out of my dream world that this new home was a perfect place....turn key, and yet after we moved in we found out it was not quite perfect.  There were flaws.  There were issues, and it would require work.  

It is the same with relationships.  When we meet someone, the work may not seem so obvious starting out.  The individual may appear to be "turn key" in every respect, but as we enter into a relationship and start to know one another...well those little issues will start to pop up and require work on both parts.  

How wonderful it is though with our relationship with God.  He already knows us.  He knows our before, our now and our later.  Unlike the things of this world we try to label as "perfect" or "turn key." Later we are disappointed because we find they are anything but "perfect" or "turn key."  His plan for us is perfect created in His faithfulness!  We will have choices to make, and they can either include God or not.  He doesn't force his perfect plan onto us, because He is a gentleman.  If only we would make decisions with 'big picture' in our hearts and an understanding that God's love for us is perfect and He wants what is best for us. We sometimes limit our view by what is in front of us....our now moment...instead of realizing that if we would follow God and seek His will in all things...and even though it may feel like the harder road when that over there appears to be turn key...God has our best interests at heart.  It was created in His faithfulness to us.  We always should be striving for perfection.  To do better.  To get it right.  To work towards being "turn key."  We may never fully understand the path God leads us on, but one day all will become clear to us and I know...yes I know, in my heart that we will rejoice with Him and all His angels because of what He has done for us.